The Darker Side

This picture was taken on October 19th, 2016, at 19:38 in a bus stop (it was a bit darker initially) in Ingolstadt, Germany. I like this picture because it captured something that couldn't be expressed in words at the time; the obscurity of the struggle against bureaucracy, time, thoughts and the decisions that had to be taken back then. 

After spending that summer in Hamburg, I was considering transferring my studies to a university in Ingolstadt. I was admitted in a program that I liked very much, spoke with the professors, visited the university and the city and everything was looking good. Even though this uncertainty and ambiguity about my studies cost me an internship at the Airbus plant in Hamburg, I was still determined to make it work. But because we live in a world made up of obstacles, limitations and bureaucracy, this story seemed to be too good to be true. I wasn't allowed an extension of my visa in Hamburg because of administrative reasons that don't make much sense. Even though I was already in the country and had an official acceptance letter in a university study program, I was instructed to leave the country immediately when my visa ends and re-apply for a student visa at the German Embassy in Cairo. That's when I knew that things are only going to go from bad to worse.

It was ridiculously difficult to get an appointment in September and get the visa in time before the semester starts in October (on average you have to book an appointment some weeks or even months in advance and the visa itself takes up to 3 months to be issued). I still went on to do it. I got an appointment in the first week of September and applied for the visa. Thinking that it would only be a matter of time and it's not too bad if I catch the semester a month or so later, I was faced with more obstacles. The embassy asked for more documents and caused surreal tardiness to the issuance of my visa. Eventually, by the end of October I was "advised" to withdraw my visa application and re-apply for the visa in time for the following summer semester because they thought I applied "too late".

I had to make a decision between pursuing this and doing at least 4 more semesters of Bachelor studies, and going back to my university where I only had 2 more semesters left until graduation. Feeling utterly helpless and indescribably discouraged, I was in no state to make that decision. I was drained. So, I opted with the seemingly easy way. Which wasn't easy at all. I went back to my university and miraculously caught the semester some 2 months late. Registered my final-year project and now I'm nearly 3 months away from graduation. I've never related to the word bittersweet as much. I'm indifferent and struggling still to react to everything's that's going, even though this happened over 6 months ago.

The events never usually tell the whole story because the emotional and psychological impact they leave are hardly explained. All in all, I guess this only serves as a reminder that we're all just bricks in the wall. We shouldn't dare to attempt breaking away. But, I'll keep trying anyway. I may have lost this battle, but I'm not done yet.